


Safe Sex

by Fides



Category: Pushing Daisies
Genre: Crack, F/M, Flash Fic, Kink, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, mmom, mmom 2008, mmom 2008: day 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-07
Updated: 2008-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-03 01:23:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fides/pseuds/Fides
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life at the Pie Hole</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safe Sex

At this very moment Ned was 29 years, 9 months and 14 days old and he has two firm, ripe plums in his hands. This is, perhaps, notable because up until a moment before they had not been ripe and firm at all, but had, in fact, been dead. You see Ned, also known as the Pie Maker, had a very special gift: when he touched dead things they came to life.

The facts were these: while Ned's touch brought life, it also brought a second, and permanent, death if he should happen to touch the dead person again. Or, as it happened, the fruit. While unique, the Pie Maker's ability was not particular.

It was for that reason that the Pie Maker wore one latex glove while he was working, and not for any other.

It was also for that reason that the Pie Maker woke up every morning and looked across the room to the bed where the love of his life a young woman Charlotte Charles, whom he called Chuck, slept. He longed to cross the small distance that separated them, to take her in his arms and kiss her. But he couldn't give into that desire. It was not the fear that in many countries his relationship would be considered highly illegal, but the knowledge if he so much as felt the soft, inviting, velvet of her skin then she would die. An abstinence program that even the most fundamentalist of preachers would approve.

Chuck and the Pie Maker had been childhood sweethearts, a relationship which was cemented, briefly, when they met at the respective funeral's of Ned's mother and Chuck's father. A coincidence which was more than it appeared. This would be the first and only time they kissed.

At least directly. Chuck had discovered that cling-film could be a very useful accompaniment to their relationship when placed between their lips. It gave them both a taste of what life could be like if things had been different. The taste was a little plastic-y.

What Ned didn't know was that the collection of historical erotica that Chuck had found in her Aunt's milk cellar had been very wide-ranging and Chuck was, as we speak, waiting with some anticipation for the arrival of a rubber and latex fetish magazine the possibility for which had been hinted at in those old and musty pages. It offered them the possibility of a relationship only hinted at with bee-keeper outfits and rubber gloves. But that was in the future.

For now the Pie Maker watched Chuck sleep and thought how lovely she was. While the Pie-maker was, in many ways, a unique man in a unique situation he was still a man. So, while he couldn't touch Chuck, he could touch himself... and so he did.


End file.
